Teach me how to pray

Oh Lord, teach me how to pray.

Can a rich man be taught how to pray? 

Or is it like the camel going through the eye of the needle again? 

I mean, what can this rich man know about ‘give us this day our daily bread’?

When I can just nip out to the corner shop for a sliced loaf,

“Paying by contactless madam?”

Yep!  effortlessly, 

                            thoughtlessly, 

                                                  ungratefully.

I have the illusion that I provide for myself.

I don’t have a need for anything

And if I do need something it’s not for any longer than the time it takes for me to get to my amazon app on my smart phone

Delivery the next day, no delay.

What do I know about ‘waiting’?

I wonder if my wealth actually robs me?

Robs me of waiting,

Robs me of persevering in prayer

Robs me of knowing the joy of your provision.

My prayers have become a lot like my online shop on my sofa

Easy, doesn’t take long out of my day.

Oh! Don’t put yourself out love!  Stay comfortable.

Scroll, Click, I want that,

working down the list

click, click, click, I want, I want, I want,

healing for the kids colds click,

washing machine’s on the blink, click,

maybe help for a friend in need click,

full basket, checkout. Done.  On to the next thing.

I don’t linger.  

No relationship with the one I pray to.  

No dialogue. 

I pray at you. 

I want to pray with you, to you, through you, by you.  Together.  Let us pray.

And I’m inconvenienced by you God when you don’t deliver

When you don’t come in the slot I chose for you

and when you don’t do as you’re told

I expect results!

I put my complaints in, I whine and sulk like an entitled spoilt child.

The customer is always right you know!

And that’s what I have become, 

                                                   a consumer 

                                                                      and you a service provider

I want to be a friend, a follower, a learner.

Oh Lord teach me how to pray!

I say to myself, "I am rich, I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.

But I am wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked".

I know that when you ask "will my people who I call by name humble themselves and pray?"

You’re asking me to remember who you are. 

You are God

and I am not.

You are asking me to stop.

I am not self-sufficient,

I am not miss-independent,

Apart from you I can do nothing.  

Who am I kidding?  Do I think that I don’t need God?  

That’s what you’d think from the lack of prayer in my life.

So, I might stand here before you now, a put together, middle class young lady in the affluent city of Oxford

But 

I am undone in your presence LORD

I am stripped down in your sight

I am in desperate need of a saviour,

Forgive me LORD

And teach me how to pray.

Amen.