I'm not wearing black

I'm not wearing black
A veil
An armband.
You won't see my grief at first glance
You can't pick me out of the crowd

But I am in deep.

Be kind.

Please forgive me
When I send my son to nursery with dirty spare clothes
I'm late for his swimming lesson
I put the oven on but don't put anything in
I can't eat the food you made me
I'm sensitive to noise
When I need extra help

When I just start crying
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere
I drop the ball
And I forget.

When I was short with you
I overreact
Under react
I lose my train of thought in the middle of our conversation
You have to repeat yourself
You have to write it down
I mix up my words
And stutter.

When I'm physically present but absent
Less available
Disengaged
Self-absorbed

You can't see it,
I'm in my ever day clothes
But this is not like any other day I have ever known
On the inside?

I'm in full mourning attire.